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Fab Four plan reunion tour


Last updated 3/31/2009 at Noon

From Great Britain comes word the Beatles will do what their fans have craved for some 39 years — reform and go on a world tour.

It will be called the “April Fool on the Hill Tour,” sponsored by Budweiser and McDonald’s. John, Paul, George and Ringo, with ousted Beatles drummer Pete Best and the 48-year-old son of dead Beatle Stuart Sutcliffe, plan a kickoff date in September.

“I was just watching the bloody television screen one day and asked myself, ‘What the hell am I doing?’” said Paul McCartney. “So I called up George and Ringo and it was on.” The holdout was John Lennon, but McCartney appealed to his nostalgic nature. “Paul rang me up and said ‘You want to join me band?’ just like the old days,” said Lennon, who has lived in the artistic community of Taos, N.M., since the band’s breakup.

For years, he has captured coyotes on his ranch, painted their fur and then released them, a process he calls “painting without ideas.” “People think I’m just out of me head,” he said. “But I’m telling you, those coyotes will come together in the same area, and be one of the great art pieces of all time.” After the breakup, band members rarely spoke to each other because of many lawsuits attempting to untangle the financial mess left in its wake. They’ve only reunited once, in 1989, for a series of creative and thought-provoking Doritos commercials.

Best, bounced from the band before it tasted real success, said, “I was pretty bitter when they hung me out on the line.

When the boys played on the ‘tely,’ I used to drink beer and throw the empty bottles at the screen.

I went through 24 sets, and living rooms, in about two years.

Fortunately, I was able to make a living by opening a Mexican restaurant at the North Pole.

We get mostly penguins up there, but they’ve got money and love spicy tacos.” Derek Taylor, the band’s press agent, confirmed that Freddie Sutcliffe, a London bus driver, was asked to join the tour on behalf of his late father.

“He’s got no musical training,” McCartney said.

“But he does carry around one of those little horns like Harpo Marx.

When we start to strangle each other he honks it three times, and suddenly we take a step back and remember why we love each other.”Lennon’s wife, Yoko Ono, and McCartney’s spouse Linda Eastman said they supported the tour, as long as the boys don’t play too late.

“We’re all grandparents,” Ono said. “We can’t stay up late because we take our RVs to Denny’s every morning. If they can’t come off stage at 10 p.m., we’ll sit in front of them and knit sweaters the entire time. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll start to sing.”

[Happy April Fool’s. [email protected]].


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