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By Carl Parker
For the Record 

Where Are the People


Last updated 9/20/2022 at 2:04pm

I am beginning to suspect that aliens are taking over the world by replacing human beings with machines. I wouldn’t complain so much if the machines were more accommodating.

As an example, I recently tried to reach one of my many doctors. First, I was greeted by the standard, “If this is an emergency, hang up and dial 911.”

Next, I was told if I knew the extension number I could dial direct. Of course, I had no idea what my doctor’s extension number was among the many I was presented with.

Following that routine, I was presented a long list of various subjects that I might contact, none of which related to the matter about which I was trying to inquire.

In desperation I finally dialed “0” only to be greeted by the standard “This telephone call may be recorded for quality purposes.” Of course, what I wanted to tell them that what would improve the quality greatly would be if they would have a human answer the phone with whom I could speak about the problem I was calling. After listening to this lengthy message I was finally informed that even though no one answered the phone, I could leave a message and that I would be called, if not that afternoon the first thing the next day. Finally the next day I did receive a call and was able to inquire as to whether or not a prescription I had question about was to be refilled. The human was able to answer this question in about thirty seconds, saving me and the machines a lot of bother.

Having affirmed my medical requirement I dialed the pharmacy only to be greeted by the same “911” routine followed by a long list of services which could be provided to me by the pharmacy. Finally, and incidentally, they informed me that my prescription was, in fact, ready and could be picked up.

All in all, even calling businesses is much easier than attempting to reach an important person at a governmental office.


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