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Tales from the pit


Last updated 5/14/2010 at Noon

Well it’s that time of year again.

Get the old grill out and throw on some moo cow.

You just need a pit, fire, meat and a little spice.

And for the adventurous, marinade.

I don’t really even have a pit, iust a $14 piece of crap from Sav-Mor.

But you know, it works pretty good, and only took three hours to assemble since the instructions were written in Japanese.

This is how Tokyo gets revenge from World War II.

And grilling is how we get revenge on our neighbors for making us smell their ‘cue all the time.

I guess it could have been a woman – but it was probably a guy – who figured out that to cool the fire down, just throw a little beer on there.

He probably had a Pabst in his hand and said, “Hey, this is kind of like water, right?”

And that guy should get a posthumous award, because it’s one of the official rules of ‘cue – a tradition carefully passed down.

I like to marinade my moo cow in red wine, usually chianti, which inevitably leads to stupid jokes about Hannibal Lecter and fava beans.

Your spouse will appreciate that, trust me, since silly off-hand comments are what a true pitmaster is all about.

Because that’s what you are. You are THE PITMASTER.

And there you stand, tongs at the ready.

You see the houses all around. Oh look – there’s some neighbors doing yard work.

“Yeah, you want to be right here don’t you? You want to be standing over this fire. You want to eat this moo cow, don’t you? Well smell it, baby. SMELL my ‘Cue.”

Failure on the part of the neighbors to actually smell the ‘cue constitutes a lack of one of the five senses – probably smell.

Oh sure, you could invite them over. But did they ever invite you over when they grilled moo cow? HELL NO !!!

It’s fine to wave, say hello and talk about the weather, but when it comes to ‘cue – this is serious business.

Very, very serious, and next time you find yourself over hot coals and moo cow, take a look around. See what’s out there, and know your pit smoke is going to many places.

It’s going out to the world. And you have done well.

And get a big grin on your face and say, “Smell it, baby. SMELL MY ‘Cue.”


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